i love this place.

there's just so much to fill one's heart with here...yesterday i kept finding myself thinking, gosh i love india...

-i wore my "special" sky blue birthday top to sari bari yesterday...complete with lots of bling and electric blueness. its a boost to the self esteem to wear things the ladies like. how many times did i hear "wow, you look soooo beautiful today. oh puja's looking heavy (bengali slang for hot)"

-i'm afraid i'll be getting a comb from one of our staff for my birthday, because yesterday again she asked me why i didn't comb my hair and i said, i don't even own a comb, not in my house in kolkata, not in my house in america. no where. she looked a mix between exasperated and disgusted. she was speechless. and i forced her to swear not to tell the ladies, i'd never live that down.

-one of our new trainees squeezed 6 of the smallest bangles ever onto my wrists yesterday with her indian death grip. these suckers are not coming off, ever. but i love that they bought me bangles and didn't even give me the choice of whether i would wear them or not. they're black with gold glitter. which i now spread far and wide with everything i touch.

-in a taxi yesterday, i passed a blue van parked beside some sort of stage/funtion that was going on in the central city. i looked once and saw the back door was open and the large words FISH, oh, of course the traveling fish van. selling mouth watering fried fish to one and all. then i looked again and saw painted on the front Government of West Bengal. hmm, the government has a traveling fish van. yes of course they do. random.

-last friday i was washing the sari bari floors before work and one of our ladies, Imagination, walked in and said in utmost sincerity, "oh puja, when you move to your inlaws house you are going to do such a beautiful job".(refering to all the chores the wife "gets" to do when she moves into the inlaws place) lets not even go into all the responses i could have to that. but i did smile, and thought to myself, now thats the best comment i've gotten all week...

-and last but not least i have to share a picture that one of our friends jenny took at a wedding we attended two weeks back...as she wrote, "leave it to the bengali folks, who love their fish, to dress one up for the wedding"...now thats funny.

well saturday i went to a lovely wedding. our friend kate who works with Servants of Southeast Asia tied the knot with one of the kindest bengali men i've met. so, donned in our best indian attire we headed off to celebrate...here's a little taste of the evening: obviously i don't know how to tie my sari nicely yet. but thank goodness for sarah and all her sweet skills.

randomness in the form of an update.

-becoming quite the hindi movie expert these days. i'm sure it hasn't hit the american box office but the new hit in town is "Singh is King". and boy does it live up to the bollywood name of cheesey. the beautiful thing about watching most hindi films...lets just say it doesn't take a lot of work to understand the plotlines...plus as a bonus the ending song had none other than snoopdog. yes, serving fried chicken to his indian brothers and dressed like an indian raja king. you tell me, career high...we'll see.

-officially signing my own flat contract...with sarah moved out and kristin moving home looks like its time to wear the pants and become a real live adult. i have a few spare rooms if anyones looking for a room mate...in tropical kolkata. come on people, you can't run from your calling forever.

-today two of our ladies who sew weekly at our flat kicked into high gear older sister mode. as we reflected on the sadness of my soon to be empty flat without sarah and kristin in it. but their conclusion was to pray for many guests to come and stay with me. i loved that was their solution. their concern and love for me this morning made me want to weep actually. and one of them told me i prayed so beatuifully and cleanly in bengali during our morning prayer time, which i've never heard anyone say about my struggling bengali prayer life before...

-a man let me enter before him on the metro (and i didn't even shove the elbow to assist his decision...) and i realized again how far a bit of kindness goes in this place.

-went to my first Adoration last week at mama t's home. was beautiful to be with the sisters as we spent an hour in contemplation and stillness. i need my catholic brothers and sisters to offer a little direction about all that bowing and kneeling...but still even in my blundering attempts i met God there and see that i've discovered a little oasis in the midst of my weeks...

-i'm still glad to be back in kolkata...a good sign.

so here's a few random thoughts from my week. more to come when i'm not so tired. peace.

looking back on my time in bangladesh, i realized a few things. one and possibly most profound the certainity with which i longed to be back in kolkata. among my friends, my SB family, and this crazy chaotic city. its a good feeling to want to return somewhere...and second, also profound and deeply convicting, my collision with dhaka's face of poverty...the following are a few pieces i wrote through the month as i tried to sort out this heart of mine...

6/july/08

you mourn your dead.

and i move quickly past.

you collect your plastics-

And i'm convinced we walk in different worlds.

There's avoidance in my steps,

and i wonder again, the grace

that cloaks my eyes.

Net thin. Broken pots. Unattended.

i want to understand. And love.

And be reckless. Rediculous.

A blessing.

Forgive me God. For despising your Beloved yet again.

Amen.

29/July/08

And compassion's drained.

My time unspent.

My eyes turning home

more struggles left to tempt.

I'm tired. Un rested. Waiting

until what.

My heads turned up-

but my mouth, its shut.

And my hands won't seem to work.

Outstretched underneath this rock.

I've learned is my heart.

My legs feel burdened.

Nose upturned.

Ready for relationship

I write with closed off purse

to need.

I keep coming to plead for mercy

make my delivery quick

i pray.

But instead i see my slowing

death.

and plead to look away.

Compassion. Mercy. Grace.

See You in every face.

This is how love moves and lives.

so again i plead-

have mercy

on me.

amen.

1/Aug/08

Culmination of a number of loose threads, strung

together. tied round in knots. And i'm left

with knee high memories.

And hope packed up in my mind

etched by the deep desire to be where

i am.

15 bright eyed kiddos.

slurping down a good bye icecream.

singing Bengali love songs

as we prominade through the late

night emptied streets. water

can't wash away impressions

these kisses leave behind.

"trash urchins"

the city paper dares to name.

i venture to say

they're Beloved.

amen.