reflections...

i'm turning. twisting. mind's down lanes, up stairs, back allies... pumping water. bathing river. up and down. around about. horns deafening. dust blinding. feet are feeling weary. testing where to hold on.

thinking about Kolkata. and her people. her rich & poor. guests. refugees. gangsters & desperate victims. housewives, working class. i'm lost in the lanes...in seas of humanity. i see humanity. and these pulsing waves have flushed me out too deep to stand. i wonder down the roads, interactions, interjections... rejections. of the least of these. should there always be time for icecream. always time for the image of god. in our midst... what life do these little ones have i ask again and again.

a meal with the lame. out of curiosity...pity...guilt...love. rupee coins. and hands of melting steel. our lives could look the same...

four posts of a double bed...and a place called golden. curtain's makeshift privacy. no mask for the faint in heart. painted lips. life breaking through the cracks. 5 year old scouts for flesh...and i whisper for Mercy to come through...

face to face on the "bridge of whores". hollowing. hallowing. sacred. a moment of humanity, passed. but i don't easily forget.

where did you come from? my sister. beloved. my mind is wondering round the rooms i know. dancing with stories that play in my ears. embracing and aching and dreaming of exhaled life, breathe. today sweet Breath of Life, blow over my friends, my sisters. And having mercy, we'll walk on. amen.

flatmate or savior?

i went to the movies today...and joy filled my heart...i didn't understand a word said...but me and 300 of my closest bihari friends sang and danced through 3 glorious hours of a film i quite honestly don't even know the name of.
i took the family who lives downstairs from our flat to the sunday matinee...only to be shocked into realizing that perhaps i was actually sitting in the cast of extras and not just in the audience. i love india and their interactive role at the movies. every single time the hero strutted out on stage, flicked his collar up and gave the camera the eye people were screaming, whistling, yelling, applauding. i laughed outloud a number of times. the dancing and filming couldn't have gone much lower grade, but the enthusiasm, off the charts. heck, i wanted to start cheering and i didn't even know what was going on most of the time...
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also a highlight of my past two weeks...an interaction that took place at sari bari between one of our ladies we call the "sari bari ma" and kyle, who is currently sporting the winter season beard...ahem:
as we walked in to sari bari last friday morning with kyle's beard...
kyle: nomoshkar
ma: oooh komal (kyle's bengali name)...you look like jesus
kyle: what?
ma: yes, you look just like jesus...when you were born, your mom prayed "jesus, give me a son that looks like you" and God gave her you, komal.
kyle: ooooh, noooo.
beth: yep, don't let that go to your head...

"city of joy, how can i hold this cup you gave me? have empty or full, how you have restored, and how you have drained me..."

these words of a thoughtful poet haunt me this morning...and encourage me...and draw my mind towards the extremes of this city i'm calling my home...

a week of fevers has left me to reflect on the extremes this place offers. hot cold hot cold. freezing burning. tired rested. drained. restored. and of course now, as its always been, i see one step in front of the other. choosing peace. choosing good. choosing slowness. or, in some cases, it being chosen for me...

outside of this feverish week, its been my great joy to return to kolkata after my visit to the states...sweet reunions, new additions, celebrations and a peace and joy thats passing right by my understanding and control.

my last and final servant team comes in less than a week. and i'm growing in excitement as i dream of how they'll be grafted into our community for the next four months...please pray for us all as we welcome them in and begin our own new journey in the coming year as a fresh and growing community.

sending much love to you all, and apologies for such little writing through the last few weeks...

peace. from the extremes...