randoms to start the new year...

some great moments from the past few days...

1. yesterday's traumatic sighting: two crows picking apart a parakeet, which i recall being in a cage beside our office not too long ago..of all things, an innocent half plucked tropical bird...meeting its demise next to the dump pile beside sari bari...oh cruel world.

2. today i accidentally told one of our ladies i wanted to have her baby...language faux pas, hmm...i did stop her in her conversational tracks though, and quickly followed by saying, "oh i just said a big mistake didn't i..." she changed the subject.

3. this morning at 4:30am one of the families who lives downstairs to us had their first baby, a tiny precious little girl...i love that we have the chance to share in their joy!

4. walking home from work tonight, some teenage girls were playing badminton...halting mid-game they saw me and seized the opportunity to practice their english...
indian girl: what is your name...
me: puja...what is your name...
indian girl: (something i didn't quite understand)
me: oh what a beautiful name...
indian girl: wow, thank you...ok, sweet dreams.

5. side note: it is really really cold here. i think it's hitting all time lows in our apartment, i slept with a hat on last night...i continue to think of those living on the streets below us who don't have the luxury of multiple warm blankets and a supply of wooly layers to pull on...i never thought i would find myself saying it, but yeah, i do wish it would start to warm up a bit...

some folks have asked about my mailing address here, so i thought i would just post it for convenience...my address has changed, so anything you'd want to send can be mailed to the following address...
thanks so much!
peace.

Beth Waterman
c/o Peter Burrell
Swapandeep Apartment
520 Dum Dum Cossipore Rd.
Flat No. A3 Surer Math
Kolkata, India 700-074

suffer the kindness...reflections of receiving...

listened to a beautiful sermon this morning by Dan Allendar...on suffering kindness...giving me much to think on...especially in these weeks where I have the gift of space and the chance to recreate rhythm in my life...
you have to listen to his words in their entirety to get the fullness of the message...but as i think on what it means to suffer God's kindness...i think on the family who lives under the stairs below my flat...full of kindness and compassion, in the last three weeks of my sickness they were up and down the stairs checking on me, bringing me fish curry and rice to supplement my diet, calling to see how my fevers were...they are a family of rickshaw pullers, generations have lived in the space below those stairs, with little in terms of material goods, they sleep on mats in the corridor right in front of the double door gates. they are hard workers and an extended family to us...
their generosity is staggering...and every time they warmly encourage me to take an extra moment to have tea with them, sit and share a plate of lunch, i cringe and am distracted by the fact that i'm consuming food they've worked hard to prepare and eat, it never crosses my mind to suffer the kindness and generosity they offer. each time and with each cringe and refusal of their gift i rob them of a chance to serve and love...i find this posture in me so often...in my community, with our ladies at sari bari. guilt is my default, not gratitude or gracious receiving...i am more consumed by how i will repay than suffering the kindness...

if i'm learning nothing else during this time of rest and reflection...i am learning the discipline of receiving...and oh how it chips away at all levels of pride and false humility...it clips away at the idea that receiving means first being deserving, first means working hard, first means proving...please listen to Dan's words...and see what this suffering of kindness can mean in your own life...

also, in my newly created space-filled days, i'm trying to consume as many books as possible, something that's often difficult in a full schedule (especially since i tend to be a slow reader, and somewhat distracted...) but here's a list of books on the docket for the next month should you have a chance to pick any of them up...

This Beautiful Mess by Rick McKinley
The Purity Myth: How America's Obsession with Virginity is Hurting Young Women by Jessica Valenti
The Dance of the Dissident Daughter by Sue Monk Kidd
Simply Christianity by NT Wright
Half the Sky: Turning Oppression into Opportunity for Women Worldwide by Nickolas D. Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn
Trauma Stewardship: An everyday guide to caring for self while caring for others by Laura van Dernoot Lipsky

not light reading really and apparently I'm trying to boost my feminist tendency with all this empowerment reading...but you might find a treasure or two within some of these pages...

peace.

December Update...

I’ve spent the last two weeks with brain malaria, and now, after a lot of pain, hospitals, medicine, and lots and lots of your prayers…I find myself reeling and exhausted, but on the way back to being healthy.

As I make the slow journey toward recovery, I see an old and persistent message hunting me down, waiting ever so patiently for me to fully grasp the meaning of…

taking space to be…

For the next few weeks I will be taking a medical leave to recover and rest. But honestly, taking time off work is one of the most difficult things I could do here. Allowing myself the space and time to just be, not do, not work, not run around the city attending to a thousand other needs is much more difficult than I’d like to admit. I see that my fear of being purposeless and useless is deep and far reaching. If I take time to be, what will it tell about me. What happens when there’s nothing left to define me….as I recently wrote in my journal:

I can’t work, I can’t go, I can’t pour myself out for other people’s lives. I simply have to sit here, with myself and God and be…and I’m fighting with every ounce of my being against it. But if I haven’t learned by now that my worth is not in what I do, what more will it take…

As I reflect on this, I see how easily I create idols of my time and my service. How easily I lose sight of the space and quiet and being that we’re called into as believers. I’m realizing that it truly is a discipline to be, especially in this city of chaos and noise, dirt, constant crisis and demanding needs…

I find myself humbly asking difficult questions of myself and God. You all may not have brain malaria to stop you in your tracks and offer you a forced work leave, but as the holidays approach I share my own struggle with you in hopes that together we might rediscover what it means to know ourselves and live in a new kind of space. That together, we might allow the pain, awkward silence and disturbing and beautiful truths of who we are come into being and unearth a new kind of celebration, rooted in something greater than ourselves. As we celebrate the Advent season perhaps this is a good place to begin...

Looking back over the last few months there is so much to highlight. I hope this can offer a little glimpse into what we’ve been doing!

As the Field Director, I have been working a lot on the formation material and integration of our new staff members. This is an exciting process as we dream for how to make our field more sustainable for new staff entering the field.

We are continuing to work on the formation of the Sari Bari Trust, which will be the social work arm of our Sari Bari business. This is exciting because it will be a new avenue to support the work in the red light areas.

I continue to spend my time doing medical advocacy for our ladies who are sick or in need of emergency care, helping our ladies get their children into schools, and seeking opportunities to be a presence in the brothels through relationship building.

As I look ahead to the next six months, I’m hopeful to work on developing a mental health curriculum to enable our women to begin unpacking who they are and how they have been hurt and abused. I am hopeful through outside support and funding that we will be able to invite professionals to someday help in this development.

In October we celebrated the wedding of one our WMF Bengali staff members, Gita Mondal. It was a beautiful celebration! (Though it has only amplified the voices of our Sari Bari ladies asking when it will be my turn…)

As Christmas approaches, our community is working hard to plan all the Sari Bari celebrations. Each year we buy every lady a Christmas gift and this year each woman will receive a sari, a sweater and a pair of socks. Shopping for over 70 ladies will take some time, but it’s always a lot of fun, and celebrating Christmas with them is one of my favorite times of the year!!!

In January I will be attending a Regional Field Directors Meeting in Thailand, as we prepare for the next year and continue to plan and dream for our fields and staff.

As always, thank you so much for your continual support and prayer for me and our Sari Bari family. I wish each of you had the chance to experience the love and embrace of our Sari Bari family, they are my greatest joy and the reason I continue to serve and plant myself in Kolkata. They are my heroes and my inspiration and the best picture I could have of how Christ is present in the world… Though you may feel removed from what you support, please know what a difference you are making in their lives and in mine. Before I close, I would like to share honestly about my support account. For the first time in 3 years, I have been struggling with my personal support. Due to added travel expenses, the economic pressure in the states, and my recent medical expenses, my support account has been unable to recover. If you are interested if giving a one time donation or signing up for monthly direct deposits you can utilize the following information from our website:

https://secure.groundspring.org/dn/index.php?aid=26156

Or you can send a check with the enclosed form to our WMF Office Address at:

Word Made Flesh PO Box 70 Omaha NE 68101

I would also love to send you a breakdown of my yearly expenses for those who may be interested.

Finally, if any of you are interested in being a part of our Sari Bari Christmas celebration…

You might not be able to fly over for our goat curry Christmas meal, but we would love to invite you to be a part of our Christmas party this year at Sari Bari. For $25 you can support one woman’s Christmas gift (sari, sweater, socks) and be a part of the celebration. If you are interested in being a part of this, simply send a check to our Omaha office with a note attached signifying it is for the Sari Bari Christmas gifts. Our office address is:

Word Made Flesh PO Box 70 Omaha, NE 68101

Also, if you are looking for Christmas gifts and want a creative way to support Sari Bari as well as be a part our ladies’ journey toward freedom, take a look at our Sari Bari website www.saribari.com

Again, thank you all for your love and encouragement…

Much Love and Merry Christmas,

Beth

reflections...

Outside, the noise is picking up...fireworks coloring the sky...bomb like explosions echo through every little alley...small children holding flaming torches...i'm jumpy in this city...explosives do not help...

i'm alone in our fifth story flat this weekend and learning again how to take a deep breath and step back...reflecting on the way i like to keep my mind and life busy, distracted from self evaluation, prayer, life-giving rest... refusals of peace and rest which lead to unhealthy cycles and fears of being alone...

i was supposed to be reunited with my beautiful friend kelsea in south india this weekend, but due to random flight cancellations i'm here at bk paul listening to the arrival of kali puja outside my window...and remembering that being alone doesn't have to mean being lonely...and hanging out with oneself isn't always something to fear...rest doesn't have to be deferred...and cycles can be broken.

listened to a beautiful sermon by shane hipps...i'm a sucker for hurricane lamps anyways...i hand carried one back from bangladesh a few years ago, and though its been dropped, cracked, blackened and basically seen a thousand better days...it was the perfect picture to reflect on as i listened to shane's reflections on peace this evening...please take a listen if you can...for me, in a city and life rarely bereft of chaos...this word of promised peace brought me to tears...

watched the social network this morning...great film...and slightly disturbing as i think about facebook's control on the world...as i check my own wall to see who's recently written...

snacked on left over feta-basil-stuffed chicken for lunch...and leftover black dahl...greek and indian? i don't know, it was what was in the fridge...

began reading Travels with Charley by John Steinback...thank you Jo, although it's taken me awhile to pick it up...

heading to Sarah's house for dinner and Eat Pray Love movie fest...so thankful for my friend...

And as i reflect on a day where i finally let myself let down...maybe 3 days alone won't be so bad afterall...