looking back on my time in bangladesh, i realized a few things. one and possibly most profound the certainity with which i longed to be back in kolkata. among my friends, my SB family, and this crazy chaotic city. its a good feeling to want to return somewhere...and second, also profound and deeply convicting, my collision with dhaka's face of poverty...the following are a few pieces i wrote through the month as i tried to sort out this heart of mine...

6/july/08

you mourn your dead.

and i move quickly past.

you collect your plastics-

And i'm convinced we walk in different worlds.

There's avoidance in my steps,

and i wonder again, the grace

that cloaks my eyes.

Net thin. Broken pots. Unattended.

i want to understand. And love.

And be reckless. Rediculous.

A blessing.

Forgive me God. For despising your Beloved yet again.

Amen.

29/July/08

And compassion's drained.

My time unspent.

My eyes turning home

more struggles left to tempt.

I'm tired. Un rested. Waiting

until what.

My heads turned up-

but my mouth, its shut.

And my hands won't seem to work.

Outstretched underneath this rock.

I've learned is my heart.

My legs feel burdened.

Nose upturned.

Ready for relationship

I write with closed off purse

to need.

I keep coming to plead for mercy

make my delivery quick

i pray.

But instead i see my slowing

death.

and plead to look away.

Compassion. Mercy. Grace.

See You in every face.

This is how love moves and lives.

so again i plead-

have mercy

on me.

amen.

1/Aug/08

Culmination of a number of loose threads, strung

together. tied round in knots. And i'm left

with knee high memories.

And hope packed up in my mind

etched by the deep desire to be where

i am.

15 bright eyed kiddos.

slurping down a good bye icecream.

singing Bengali love songs

as we prominade through the late

night emptied streets. water

can't wash away impressions

these kisses leave behind.

"trash urchins"

the city paper dares to name.

i venture to say

they're Beloved.

amen.