the strain to hope...april update...

More days than not, I’ve strained to hope. Afraid of the lament…the sorrow…the brokenness that’s wrapped my heart of late…

I see sickness poisoning more than just the blood of those I love…greed and lust destroying lives of those I hold most dear…I see vulnerability misused and little hands discarded and abused…muted lips parting to take another drink…

And I’ve strained to hope…and see where good is hiding…in the shadow of such drastic injustice and sorrow…

But perhaps what a dear friend said is true…that what we most have to offer is a presence… Of hope… of peace… of dignity…

and the driving faith, that even in the red lit alleys

there really can be change.

And so I find myself asking, advising, retracing what I know to be true…about the power of presence…and the power of Christ’s resurrection…that indeed, as the tags of our sari blankets declare, all things are being made new…

Perhaps, presence really does bring light to dark places.

Perhaps in the midst of hopelessness, life can spring forth…flowers in the cracked cement…perhaps when I walk towards suffering instead of shrink fearfully away…enter into pain, embracing it around and within me I continue to declare the resurrection of our Saviour in this broken aching world. Mingled with the tears of lament is the “mystery of the presence of the risen Jesus. He is hidden there, in the sacrament of the poor”, as Jean Vanier says. He is here, in me, and in the presence I offer moving from room to room, alley to alley…maybe I need to retrace my steps…

I’m stealing glimpses of a picture I like to keep near me. My friend and her daughter. Both of them beaming, glowing, unrecognizable stories through this window of captured time. Out my window I stare often to the rooftops of golden lanes. Red lit and broken. And my mind is pulled up stairs, down halls. She, beautiful and growing, has got her mother’s eyes, though movement betrays the power of her mind. And I beg God for a rescue and a broken little body made new. Through reflections of a mirror our eyes say what words can’t form. How am I to understand what fills your little days…I’m beside you dear sisters, if ever such a presence can be enough…

Reserved. Withdrawn. Where was your mind tonight. Bound up, tied tight. Squinting to see the light. Painful images take shape. What tensions held in a size 5 space…by these two hands, perhaps honor too can be redeemed…what stories held, shadows cast on lonely door posts through the years…I wonder as I hold her close and wish for a trade, in which she was the lifter of my head…and I the one fighting for another of life’s deep breaths…she calls me sister, and her smile makes my heart explode…know I’m here beside you dear one, and for now I pray such a presence will offer renewed hope in another day…

I’m turning twisting. Minds down lanes, up stairs, backed down alleys, pumping water, bathing river. Up and down. Round about. Testing where to hold on tight.

Thinking about Kolkata. And her people, her rich and poor. Guests and refugees. Gangsters and hidden housewives. I’m lost in the lanes, in seas of humanity.

I see humanity.I wonder down the road, interactions, interjections…rejections. Should there always be time for icecream…there’s always time for the image of Christ…

What life do these little ones hope to have. A meal with the lame, out of curiosity, pity, guilt, love.

Rupee coins and hands of melting steal. Releasing grips long held tight in fear.

Four posts of a double bed. And the curtain’s makeshift privacy. Five year olds who scout for flesh…and I whisper for mercy to come break through…

Face to face on the bridge of “whores”. Hollowing. Hallowing. Sacred.A moment of humanity, passed.But I don’t easily forget.

I’m dancing with the stories I know, backing away, drawing close. Tension, and decision’s been made. I’ll take another step…forward…deeper, I know I’m in over my head. Oh presence of peace, You make the way, and I’ll keep entering in…

These past few months I’ve been processing much about our friends and their brokenness, and the hope to be found in the midst of such sadness. It has left me with much to contemplate and lament, but there’s also so much to celebrate…certainly not all has been dark and dismal!

In the past few months, Sari Bari has celebrated birthday number 3!!! We picnicked to a great amusement park with two bus loads of Sari Bari ladies toting kiddos and husbands alongside.

We graduated another round of training ladies, and continue to see amazing work and restoration take place. Faces at first guarded and dark, are lightened and laughing even after only 6 months. And I’m again reminded that our work here is reflection of both the resurrected and the risen Christ…the broken and the new interwoven and declaring hope.

We’re also in the process of the last and final signing for the contract of our second Sari Bari location! After months of waiting and praying, Sari Bari Sonagachi is about to be a reality we’ve been dreaming of for a long time…in the middle of the red light area, fresh hope is coming…

Also exciting news, as some of you might know, I’m in my third and final year of my contract with WMF and have decided to renew my contract for another 3 years. I have been asked to take on the role of Kolkata Field Director when my new contract begins, and so will lay aside my role as Servant Team Coordinator and seek to serve this field and my community as shepherd and field director at the beginning of next year. This is an exciting but intimidating next step as I see how many places I have to grow and learn (and probably fail) in what it means to lead and serve this field in the future.

Also thanks to someone’s great generosity I’m planning a trip home this summer during the month of July. I would really love to use my time at home to connect with you, share and encourage and be with as many of you as possible, and introduce and share my friends here in Kolkata and better connect you with the important and powerful work you’ve been a support and part of these past three years, so please let me know how I can best do this in the few weeks I have at home!

As i close this long over due update I simply ask that you continue to pray for our community and our friends here. For hope to spring forth in us and peace to blanket us as we move about the city. There's lots of changes, new schedules, more responsibilities, new faces, and plenty of guests to keep us on us on our toes...so as you settle in with your morning cup of coffee or gather for your evening meal whisper a prayer of peace and grace and freedom for us and our friends today...

And as always thank you for your faithful support and interest in me and my life here, even when my communication fails for a few months.

I’m praying that you too will discover the power of your presence in the midst of heartache, fear, and pain in these days. And see the mystery of Christ unveiled in the sacrament of the broken around you.s

Amen.