suffer the kindness...reflections of receiving...

listened to a beautiful sermon this morning by Dan Allendar...on suffering kindness...giving me much to think on...especially in these weeks where I have the gift of space and the chance to recreate rhythm in my life...
you have to listen to his words in their entirety to get the fullness of the message...but as i think on what it means to suffer God's kindness...i think on the family who lives under the stairs below my flat...full of kindness and compassion, in the last three weeks of my sickness they were up and down the stairs checking on me, bringing me fish curry and rice to supplement my diet, calling to see how my fevers were...they are a family of rickshaw pullers, generations have lived in the space below those stairs, with little in terms of material goods, they sleep on mats in the corridor right in front of the double door gates. they are hard workers and an extended family to us...
their generosity is staggering...and every time they warmly encourage me to take an extra moment to have tea with them, sit and share a plate of lunch, i cringe and am distracted by the fact that i'm consuming food they've worked hard to prepare and eat, it never crosses my mind to suffer the kindness and generosity they offer. each time and with each cringe and refusal of their gift i rob them of a chance to serve and love...i find this posture in me so often...in my community, with our ladies at sari bari. guilt is my default, not gratitude or gracious receiving...i am more consumed by how i will repay than suffering the kindness...

if i'm learning nothing else during this time of rest and reflection...i am learning the discipline of receiving...and oh how it chips away at all levels of pride and false humility...it clips away at the idea that receiving means first being deserving, first means working hard, first means proving...please listen to Dan's words...and see what this suffering of kindness can mean in your own life...

also, in my newly created space-filled days, i'm trying to consume as many books as possible, something that's often difficult in a full schedule (especially since i tend to be a slow reader, and somewhat distracted...) but here's a list of books on the docket for the next month should you have a chance to pick any of them up...

This Beautiful Mess by Rick McKinley
The Purity Myth: How America's Obsession with Virginity is Hurting Young Women by Jessica Valenti
The Dance of the Dissident Daughter by Sue Monk Kidd
Simply Christianity by NT Wright
Half the Sky: Turning Oppression into Opportunity for Women Worldwide by Nickolas D. Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn
Trauma Stewardship: An everyday guide to caring for self while caring for others by Laura van Dernoot Lipsky

not light reading really and apparently I'm trying to boost my feminist tendency with all this empowerment reading...but you might find a treasure or two within some of these pages...

peace.