in parts. nepal reflections.

well, i'm back from the mountains. feeling somewhat like moses after his descent from his high places of retreat and contemplation. though, t-minus seeing my friends worshiping golden calves and such.

it was such a sweet sweet time away. taking personal retreat time, for contemplation and reflection and prayer. it's a discipline i want practice to the end of my days. and i've brought back to kolkata fresh perspective, hope, and fight. in an attempt to keep things simple i'm going to break my nepal time into parts...because honestly, trecking through the hymalayas deserves a page all to itself. so stay tuned for treck fest 99, a tour through the mountains of nepal. or title #2 with just a flint and knife how beth could have survived the dangers of nepal...pictures to come.

but first things first. my humble processings:

i thought i was coming to nepal to figure things out. to get a grasp on what's ahead, next, future. i needed to make a plan.

but i realize i didn't retreat to line things up or discover my life's direction in just three easy days. instead, i unfolded things much deeper. more basic.

confession and forgiveness.

bitterness and joy.

reminders of hope as a lifestyle.

and peace that lights my path.

i thought i was coming for a new catalyst. direction. revelation. instead i arrived, to be. reflection over the past year has led me to one consistant prayer like a line of stones paving my way leading me somewhere new, necessary. redefined identity. and i see it happening, in the midst of it we never see what's truly taking root but over our shoulder a whole new perpsective can take shape. and i'm looking back seeing what has happened. and i've arrived home bearing witness to newness. and the melting that happens when i truly let down. and let Christ in to move and speak and remind.

i thought i would be called into something new. instead i was called back to the simplicity of Christ's call: you're called to suffer with. in essence to, love. all things grow from these seeds.

so i leave you with this reflection from my retreat:

surrounded by kathmandu, outside these picture windows, a snapshot of life. i'm grasping to contain.

i'm asking for a melting away of this last year. of the abuse done to my body and ears. the anger i've held against my chest so tightly. the helplessness i've felt. the words i've swallowed. the loneliess. and longing for a partner. the ache for purpose and the need to be identified. the pain of seeing girls commercialized and the trauma that comes from drawn down curtains. please give me a heart of forgiveness. a heart of repentance. a promise of redemption. melt me. and tattoo something new upon my heart. amen.